She had a habit of becoming friends with men she was totally attracted to.It might have been her way of making sure that she can be with the guy even if she won't have the guy. A habit was really a hard thing to kick and she knew that oh so well.
It felt like the other guy all over again. But, she preferred to not know better. Anyway being smart was not fun all the time.
About this new friend, he was as hot as the rest. A man you walk down the street with and you are proud because you know every woman wishes they were you and every man hates that he looks as he does.
She liked him and she would have loved to have him like her that way as well. But, as he history repeats itself, he looked at someone else.Though she had to admit this time was different because he did not make the first move, B did.
How can you want the wrong ones all the time, she thought to herself.
So when she had that he and B had done nothing, she was hopeful. When B left she was excited. On instructions of her friend, she messaged him just to keep in touch. They talked a few times. She always had to initiate these conversation which was disheartening. Quite frankly to say hello first all the time kills a woman's spirit very fast.
The wanting faded but the heart and the mind are into cruel jokes sometimes and that is when occasional cravings come in. And then back to a person you can not like.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Dancing in green..
Interesting, she thought.
It seemed that to her that she was destined to be attracted to men who were different from her. Conditioning of a childhood in which she could not properly fit in sometimes because she was the darker one, always the darker one.
Is it that wrong for a woman to desire that her children would not be judged harshly because of the colour of their skin? A question she had asked herself on so many sleepless nights. She did not want her children to treat people differently because of the shade of their skin but, she wanted them to have the opportunities that come with being light skinned. Well, she did not have those children to teach, yet.
So here she was standing in the floodlight, looking at the man with his chicken piece.
“Can I have that piece please?” she asked the man.
He turned and stared. Then, his eyes swept downwards.
Why did she decide to wear the brown kaftan today of all days. It just did not help a bulging figure. It seemed the only thing that had and is constant in her life is the weight gain.
As he looked at her she felt fat and in so much light ugly.
"Smile.... smile," she thought.
At least the smile usually worked in her favour.
“I will find a piece that is better than mine,” he said. The smile was cute but the teeth not so good. His light skin though, made his face pretty.
She could have let it be but here he was talking and smiling and it looked really good to her. A little teasing fun never hurt anyone, kind of.
In the end, she did not get his piecemeal chicken but, she got five minutes of fun ribbing and teasing. That had to be worth something on such a slow night and in such a crowd. How was one supposed to compete with the barely dressed school children?
“Was that originally a skirt, sweetheart?” she silently asked the girl in front of her.
She sighed, back to reality. It is a good thing she was a girlfriends’ girl. She loved to party with her girls. She would never abandon them for a guy unless he was superman because she would have no choice.
The party continued and the crowd got thicker. They were all tired. It was time to go home.
“I feel like my bones are breaking. Are we that old?” Jesse asked
“Well in this crowd, we probably are...” Lila replied.
They all started giggling. It was a little true. None of them was above thirty but they were looking at thirty straight in the eye. But, what made them older was the fact that the crowd in the place averaged the age of 22, probably.
“Let’s go home, mamas...” she joked.
They left laughing. It was good fun.
Something that they needed to do once and a while to keep themselves sane.
She wondered how they ever got old enough to have careers and have no time for fun. Well, they had 2 days and fun they will have. But for now, she needed sleep.
After the goodbyes, they went their separate ways.
“Alone again, I wonder what the man in green is doing...”
That was her last thought before her thoughts trailed off to the darkness.
................................................................................................................................................
It seemed that to her that she was destined to be attracted to men who were different from her. Conditioning of a childhood in which she could not properly fit in sometimes because she was the darker one, always the darker one.
Is it that wrong for a woman to desire that her children would not be judged harshly because of the colour of their skin? A question she had asked herself on so many sleepless nights. She did not want her children to treat people differently because of the shade of their skin but, she wanted them to have the opportunities that come with being light skinned. Well, she did not have those children to teach, yet.
So here she was standing in the floodlight, looking at the man with his chicken piece.
“Can I have that piece please?” she asked the man.
He turned and stared. Then, his eyes swept downwards.
Why did she decide to wear the brown kaftan today of all days. It just did not help a bulging figure. It seemed the only thing that had and is constant in her life is the weight gain.
As he looked at her she felt fat and in so much light ugly.
"Smile.... smile," she thought.
At least the smile usually worked in her favour.
“I will find a piece that is better than mine,” he said. The smile was cute but the teeth not so good. His light skin though, made his face pretty.
She could have let it be but here he was talking and smiling and it looked really good to her. A little teasing fun never hurt anyone, kind of.
In the end, she did not get his piecemeal chicken but, she got five minutes of fun ribbing and teasing. That had to be worth something on such a slow night and in such a crowd. How was one supposed to compete with the barely dressed school children?
“Was that originally a skirt, sweetheart?” she silently asked the girl in front of her.
She sighed, back to reality. It is a good thing she was a girlfriends’ girl. She loved to party with her girls. She would never abandon them for a guy unless he was superman because she would have no choice.
The party continued and the crowd got thicker. They were all tired. It was time to go home.
“I feel like my bones are breaking. Are we that old?” Jesse asked
“Well in this crowd, we probably are...” Lila replied.
They all started giggling. It was a little true. None of them was above thirty but they were looking at thirty straight in the eye. But, what made them older was the fact that the crowd in the place averaged the age of 22, probably.
“Let’s go home, mamas...” she joked.
They left laughing. It was good fun.
Something that they needed to do once and a while to keep themselves sane.
She wondered how they ever got old enough to have careers and have no time for fun. Well, they had 2 days and fun they will have. But for now, she needed sleep.
After the goodbyes, they went their separate ways.
“Alone again, I wonder what the man in green is doing...”
That was her last thought before her thoughts trailed off to the darkness.
................................................................................................................................................
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