The Boyfriend

The boyfriend.

I decided that, I was not interested in dating. I did not want to be one of those girls that someone did. Probably paranoia or just low self esteem was at play here. But, in the end peer pressure won over principles. I accepted Qi’s ‘proposal’. I called him up and told him that I accept to be what he wanted me to be. I had a problem being or being called the girlfriend. I might still have issues with it now!

Qi was nice but Qi and Me not so nice. I think the so not nice part was me. I hated being the girlfriend, most of the time anyway. I realized that I liked the relationship only because it gave some form of ammunition against people who thought it odd to prefer being single. Truth be told though, I think I liked the company, the not so lonely times and the attention.

When Qi decided to follow me and try to make me his, I do not think he was really into it. I think he figured I was the last girl and he was the last boy standing so instant need. I remember that in the beginning, he was into my friend. Begged her for a date, for days. That did not work out and, in came the need to be with me. If he was clever he would have known that I would never forgive anyone for making me the second choice.

I was the back up plan for Qi but in the end he made the ultimate mistake, He fell in love with me. I actually feel sad that that happened. I could and would not fall for him. My heart had been closed p long before he came into the picture.

I spent most of my time with Al. so much so that even Qi thought I was sleeping with him. He accepted that with him he could not compete. It was almost as if he had given me a free card when it came to the best friend. When I think about it now, I tortured him unnecessarily. I did not know how to be someone’s girlfriend at that time. I was scared.

We eventually broke up but it officially took three years. I was not anything close to a girlfriend. Funnily when he got another one, I was jealous. I did not want him but I did not want anyone to have him. Sadly, I am a girl!

We stopped being friends. He became abusive to the girl. And the last thing I remember him telling me is that I will one day feel the pain he had with me.

That might actually be coming true but that another post.

Am sorry Qi...